Everything I have written in the past is just that, in the
past. I no longer think the way I used to think. No matter how pretty I was or
how much I excelled there was never any approval for me. I spent most of my
time people pleasing and wondering why no one loved me just for myself.
Buried deep inside was “a wise man.” I called him that and
he communicated with me. I was always writing, “and the wise man said to me:”
It was this wise man who got me through some pretty tough times. This
supernatural part of myself, that I didn’t see as me, I saw it as divine
intervention. Little did I know I was divine.
Religion teaches us phrases like, God doesn’t make junk,
etc… But the message is, you are really junk, and if you do not obey and tow
the line, follow the rules, then you are going to reap what you sow,
and it isn’t going to be pretty.
I was on religion overload. I believe that inside voice and
that spirit connected to scripture that I quoted nearly led me to my
destruction. Here is the Truth: God is Love, Love is the Way, and you First
have to Love yourself. You have to understand you are Divine. And when you find
your own Divinity, you will finally have the Love, Peace and Joy that is Real.
Boundary lines are crossed continually in the world of
religion. It breeds indifference as well. When we reach out and finally touch
each other once in a while around this thing called God, it is a feeble effort
at best.
So what am I saying here? Am I filled with blasphemy? I
really don’t know. All I know is what brings true peace and joy and love. All I
know is that the answer really is within. And when we touch that inner space
then we can love and be an example that others can touch that same space within
themselves. You can’t touch it for them. But sometimes in the midst of struggle, they may stumble
upon an answer for themselves.
I remember standing in my bathroom feeling so much pain and
confusion. I thought I was dying the pain and confusion was so great. I felt
trapped without an escape and I couldn’t even think about escape I was so
bogged down with the pain and confusion. Then something awesome happened. At the time it was only temporary because I didn’t know how to make it permanent. I had not
yet read Eckhart Tolle’s book, The New Earth. At this point I didn’t even know
who Eckhart Tolle was. But what happened to me in that bathroom was this: I
held all that pain in a ball in the palm of my hand. And my entire body and
mind was at peace because the pain was all in the ball I held in my hand. And I
saw and felt what it was like without all that pain and my mind was crystal clear. I was just fine. Did I toss the ball in the
trash, flush it down the toilet? No, I took it back inside. But I glimpsed life
without it, and wow, it was a calm beautiful sea.
And as I shed all those layers of pain, instead of just
tossing the whole ball, I grew as a human being. I learned some valuable lessons. I
opened my eyes and saw things that I can now share with others and hopefully
they will see them, too.
The answer is not in religion. This god or that god, this
way or that way. The world and the world’s religions operate the same, on the
same principals. You don’t have to take my word for this. Read Berger and Luckman’s
book, The Social Construction of Reality. You can find it on Amazon.com or
Alibris.com. It is an eye opener. And once you see how your life has been
constructed from the outside in and you are nowhere near knowing who you really
are or what you were meant to be, then you can begin to change as I and so many
others have. All those things you were told were evil, they aren’t. Some of them will
set you free. Mainstream religion is nothing but a market. And it uses you just
like any other marketing system. Those religions cannot save you, although many
people give them the credit. If you get saved, you save yourself. And you can believe
lies even coming from within if you don’t have the proper information.
But for now, my point is, if you
are feeling like a weed, let me tell you, the natural beauty of a weed and the
way it grows and thrives is a beautiful thing. So go be the most gorgeous wild flower
you can be and love yourself for it.
photos and text © Victoria Springer
